Quality vs. Quantity: The Making of Good TV

Posted on February 10, 2012 by Kris M.

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We’ve lamented before over the loss of Firefly, Joss Whedon’s sci-fi western epic which was tragically cut down in its first and only season. Even though we eventually got to see the ending as a movie, fans continue to wish for more adventures with Captain Mal and the crew of the ship Serenity.

However, if fans did receive their wish and Firefly had lasted for multiple seasons, would we still consider it one of the finest sci-fi shows on television? Would the romance between Simon and Kaylee have been drawn out for a ridiculously long time, only to fizzle out when they did get together? Would actors leave the show halfway, making us hate their replacements? Would Firefly have eventually jumped the shark?

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In a perfect world a television show would play only as long for as long as it was still engaging and the last episode would air right before the show became tired and boring. Once-quality shows like The Simpsons and The Office would be put out to pasture while at the top of their game, instead of suffering for years. Is it even worth having so many episodes of The Simpsons that the show could support its own cable network when fans only care about the earlier seasons?

Maybe we should take a cue from across the pond and set up our shows the way they do in England. That would mean only a few seasons of a show, and only a handful of episodes per season.Spaced might have had a small run by American standards, but it’s a work of pure genius that similar shows like The Big Bang Theory couldn’t hope to reproduce.

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Smaller shows mean smaller budgets, allowing networks to take greater risks on weird shows like The Mighty Boosh. Given the same limitations over here, there’s no doubt that we’d see a golden renaissance of American television and terms like “jump the shark” would be obsolete.

On the other hand, consider how different shows like Parks and Recreation or Community would be if they were cut off after only six episodes. Many television shows don’t hit their stride until the second or third season as the actors further develop the characters and writers weave a complex world. We’ve all found ourselves telling a friend “Once you get past the first couple of episodes, this show is really great.”

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Maybe the creators of Arrested Development were the only ones who got it right. Although the show only aired for three seasons, it was enough time for the cast to develop an amazing chemistry and for the writers to build up a number of inside jokes and catch phrases. The show was taken off the air just before it began to show any flaws and is now scheduled to return to TV once again.

In the battle between quantity versus quality, the winner may in fact be both. The ideal TV show would be one with unlimited episodes that are always consistent in quality.

My Uninformed Impressions of Five Shows I’ve Never Watched

Posted on February 10, 2012 by Anni M.

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Yeah, I watch a lot of television. I have a very long list of shows I enjoy, and I’m usually willing to give new ones a single episode trial run, at the very least. But there are only so many hours in a day and sometimes I have to write blog posts. So, inevitably, there are some shows I just haven’t seen. Sometimes I genuinely don’t want to watch something because it looks stupid. Other times, it’s just a sad reality of living: too much T.V., too little life to waste on it. But not watching a show doesn’t stop me from forming an opinion. Usually it’s based on partially glimpsed advertisements, tabloid news, overheard conversations, and muted commercials. Here are my uninformed impressions/opinions of five shows I’ve never watched. Enjoy.

Dancing With the Stars

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It’s fun to watch people try to do something they don’t know how to do. Overweight people like Kirstie Alley give us an exciting real-time progression of before-to-after. People we think are unusual or otherwise freakshowish like Chaz Bono are encouraged, because what’s better than watching a freak dance? Nothing. I imagine there are lots of dance studio shots of celebrities breaking down or getting divaish. Also, there are long pauses before they announce the winners of each round. Am I right?

Hoarders

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There is nothing less appealing to me than a reality television show that exploits people with real psychiatric disorders. It’s not cool to enjoy illness and suffering, no matter how shocking or sensational it may seem. This is the kind of show people in sci-fi dystopias watch on television—when all ethical and moral quandaries have been supplanted with Victory Gin and lobotomies.

Bear Grylls: Man vs. Wild

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Eff you, Bear Grylls. You’re not Steve Irwin and you never will be. I bet you have a film crew ready to bail you out every second and you secretly sleep in hotels when you’re supposed to be surviving on desert islands or whatever. Or maybe that’s the survival show guy? I don’t know. I’ve never watched him either.

Storage Wars

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So this is where people go to storage units and fight over what’s in them, right? I can see how this could be awesome if the storage units were owned by like a Sting or a Jay-Z, but I bet Sting and Jay-Z pay their monthly storage bills. Instead it’s probably show after show of hagglers haggling over picture frames and candlesticks. Not to mention the poor people who get to watch their family heirlooms in a tug-of-war on T.V. No thanks.

The Real Housewives Franchise

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Considering my ridiculous attachment to Jersey Shore, maybe I should give this a chance. But I wonder, rather than oranging-up for a T.V. show, shouldn’t they be, like, bonding with their kids or doing other “real” housewifey things? It just seems to me like a bunch of filthy rich ladies with weird surgery faces complaining about their tiny dogs.

TV Couples That Should Get Together for Valentine’s Day

Posted on February 9, 2012 by Kris M.

After watching characters on TV for an extended period of time, you start to feel like they’re your best friends. But unlike your real best friends, you can’t tell TV characters that their constant flirting is getting tired and that they should probably just date already. This Valentine’s Day, let’s hope that Cupid’s arrow finally finds these TV couples so that they can drop the romantic tension act and finally consummate what we’ve all known was going to happen for awhile.

Jack and Liz – 30 Rock

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Jack and Liz’s relationship might be best described as a ‘bromance,’ but it’s one that could easily turn into something real. Jack provides Liz with the tools to become a responsible adult while Liz provides Jack with an opportunity to relax and enjoy life. Jack’s recent meddling in Liz’s relationship even further confirms how desperately these two should just admit that they need each other.

Sookie and Alcide – True Blood

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There have been so many guys in Sookie’s life—Bill, Sam, Eric– but none seem quite the right match as Sookie and werewolf Acide. Maybe it’s because she sees him as a friend that she allows herself to be so much less annoying when she’s around him—or maybe it’s because we feel sorry that Alcide is stuck with crazy Debbie as a wife. Either way, these two should become the new alpha couple in Bon Temps.

Britta and Troy – Community

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Even though Jeff spent the first season trying to get with Britta, that romantic plotline has since fizzled out to make way for Britta and Troy. These two loveable dummies feel more natural than Jeff and Britta ever did. Jeff is callous and calculating, while Troy is sensitive and sweet—which is a better match for bleeding heart Britta.

Carol and Daryl – The Walking Dead

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Despite their unfortunate rhyming names, these two survivors seem like they’re a zombie attack away from jumping into a relationship together. Carol sees the good in Daryl that even Daryl himself isn’t able to see. Now that Sophia is dead, it’s time for Daryl to step up and be that good man that Carol needs.

Damon and Elena – The Vampire Diaries

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Sure, getting together with your brother’s ex-girlfriend is going to make family gatherings that much more awkward, but that shouldn’t stop Damon and Elena from going official. Even if Elena and Stefan fans were so upset that they sent death threats to the show’s creators when Damon kissed Elena, we think ‘Delena’ is here to stay.

Bucket List Ideas for TV Fans

Posted on February 9, 2012 by Kris M.

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Death is a mystery, but there are two things we know about it for certain—everybody has to go at some point and nobody knows when it’s going to happen. Composing a bucket list helps you to make sure you get everything you can out of life while you still have time.

Most people fill up their bucket list planning grandiose adventures such as going skydiving or visiting Niagra Falls—but what if you’re the type of person who just likes to spend a quiet evening in front of the TV? If your dream is to live the life of a TV fanatic, then here are a few ideas for your bucket list.

Get on Television

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Everybody deserves their fifteen minutes of fame. Whether you’re a contestant on Wheel of Fortune or stand outside the big window on The Today Show, every TV fan should experience the thrill of seeing their own face on a television screen at least once.

Try Out for a Reality TV Show

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You know what they say, you have to play to win. It doesn’t matter whether or not you actually are America’s Next Top Model or one of the Worst Cooks in America— the important thing is that you try. Even if you don’t make it, you may discover something new about yourself when you create your audition tape.

Meet a TV Star

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You don’t have to live in Hollywood to meet a famous person. Check out local events in your area to see if any TV stars are coming to town on book tours, fan conventions, live shows or other events where you can score a meet-and-greet.

Travel to a Location from a TV Show

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Every TV fanatic should see at least one location from a TV show in the highest definition possible—real life. Whether your destination is the diner from Seinfeld or the entire town of Scranton from The Office, be sure to pick a comfortable pair of walking shoes before setting out to explore the wild world of television landmarks.

Sit in a Live Studio Audience

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If you’ve ever wanted to see how the magic of television is brought to life, there’s no better place to do so than in a live studio audience. Not only do audience members sometimes end up being featured on televised segments, you also have a chance of walking away with some fabulous door prizes just for showing up.

Eat a Meal You Saw on TV

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Seeing a delicious meal on TV is not the same as eating one. Try cooking one of the decadent meals from the Food Network or dine at a restaurant featured on the Travel Channel. Even your taste buds deserve a little TV time now and again.

Reality TV Financial Role Models: Storage Wars

Posted on February 9, 2012 by Kate W.

We all know you can’t get a practical financial picture from scripted television. In real life, there’s no way an unemployed chef and a waitress could afford an apartment the size of Monica and Rachel’s on Friends, I don’t care how rent-controlled it is. So I’ve turned to reality TV for a better idea of how to earn and manage money. In this economy, everyone’s looking for new, creative ways to make money. In fact, there are several unscripted shows focusing on these alternatively employed gurus I like to call Reality TV Financial Role Models. Today, we’ll explore the financial savvy of the cast of A&E’s Storage Wars.

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Five Reasons Why Video Games Would Adapt Better to Television than Movies

Posted on February 9, 2012 by Kris M.

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Despite the fact that movies based on video games are never a commercial or critical hit, Hollywood continues to go back to the video game well for new ideas. It’s no surprise why tinseltown executives do it—after all, video games are a billion-dollar industry with a built-in fan base. Even the US military associates itself with video games in order to reach a broader audience.

The problem is that video games would make better television shows than movies. Other than a handful of low quality cartoons for kids, there hasn’t been much of an effort to adapt video games into TV shows. That’s a shame, because we can think of at least five good reasons why video game adaptations belong on the small screen, not the silver screen.

B-Actors and Limited Budgets

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The problem with video game movies is that they are given a small budget to work with, which means they can’t afford many A-list stars or decent special effects. While this is a hindrance to attracting a movie audience, it’s how television thrives. The expectations are not as high on television and even the most successful shows only have one or two big name stars on the cast. A limited movie budget could go a long way in television.

Hours of Storytelling Potential

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Most movies clock in around two hours in length—however most video games take several hours to complete. An epic game like Mass Effect or The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim would be better suited for television where long-form storytelling is possible. Instead of trying to cram every concept from a video game into one film, directors would be able to slowly build over a multiple episodes and seasons—much like how a video game has different levels and sequels.

Cross-Genre Appeal

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A game like Tetris would never make for an entertaining flick, but elements from the video game could be incorporated into a game show. How about an obstacle course based on Angry Birds or a cooking show for kids based on Cooking Mama? There is no limit to the treasure trove of program possibilities that could be dug up from the world of video games.

Animation Domination

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Forget about those cheesy Saturday morning cartoons from the 80’s— today’s animation is made to be enjoyed by kids and adults alike. Since video games are already produced with CGI cutscenes, it would be easy to translate that leftover data into an animated program. Animation is a cheaper way to tell epic, sprawling stories in a fantasy world while not being bogged down by a limited budget.

Colorful Cast of Characters

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To tell a story on television you need a primary cast, some secondary characters and a stable of one-shot and reoccurring guest characters to move the plot along. The same is true with video games where you have the characters you can control, the characters that assist you and the characters you interact with along the way. Television would give audiences more opportunities to explore a diverse cast other than a movie where there’s little room for anyone other than the stars.

Top Ten Twins on TV

Posted on February 7, 2012 by Kris M.

They say that the best things in life come in pairs—and that rule is especially true when it comes to TV shows. Whether they’re identical, fraternal, opposite gendered or evil—twins give any television twice the amount of appeal. Here are just a few of the twins on TV who rock our socks off.

Patty and Selma Bouvier – The Simpsons

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These animated twin sisters share a love for smoking cigarettes, watching MacGuyver and torturing their brother-in-law, Homer. Patty is one of the few reoccurring gay characters on The Simpsons, while Selma has had a string of failed marriages and recently adopted a Chinese baby named Ling.

Mary Kate and Ashley Burke – Two of a Kind

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Sure they’re best known for sharing the role of Michelle Tanner on Full House, but this was the first television series where the Olson Twins got to play their own characters. Mary Kate was a tomboy and sports enthusiast while Ashley was a studious girly girl.

Zack and Cody Martin – The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, Suite Life on Deck

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Your kids know Zack and Cody from their two Disney Channel series. On Suite Life the brothers lived in an upscale hotel with their mother, while spin-off On Deck features the two attending high school at sea.

Dennis and Dee Reynolds – It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Dennis and Dee It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

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Dennis and Dee may not look alike, but they share the same undeserved air of confidence and apathy towards other human beings. When these two aren’t backstabbing each other, they’re teaming up to backstab others and they do a pretty good job of it.

George and Oscar Bluth – Arrested Development

Arrested Development Oscar and George Bluth

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Although both are played by Jeffery Tambour, these two brothers are polar opposites. George is a sleazy executive with a bald head while Oscar is a pot-smoking hippie with long, beautiful locks.

Tia Landry and Tamera Campbell – Sister, Sister

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Imagine running into a clone of yourself while shopping at the mall. That’s what happened to Tia and Tamera, who were separated at birth and adopted by different foster parents.

Hank and Dean Venture – The Venture Bros.

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There have been multiple clones of the Venture twins, Hank and Dean, but the originals were always twins. Although the brothers are close, Dean wants to follow in his family’s pursuit of science while Hank just wants to be a rock star.

Brenda and Brandon Walsh – Beverly Hills, 90210

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Although both of the Walsh twins eventually left the show, Brenda and Brandon provided us with an outsider’s view of Beverly Hills in those early formative seasons. Brandon’s nice guy routine was a great contrast to Brenda’s nasty personality.

Phoebe and Ursula Buffay – Friends/Mad About You

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Actress Lisa Kudrow had a small part as clueless waitress Ursula on Mad About You before hitting it big on Friends. Eventually the two characters on different shows were made into twins sisters.

Zan and Jayna – Super Friends

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These are the twins you want on your side if you’re ever kidnapped by Lex Luthor. The Wonder Twins, Zan and Jayna, can transform into water or animals respectively, but only when they combine their efforts.

4 of the Best TV Pets

Posted on February 7, 2012 by Mia R.

Robin's 5 dogs from How I Met Your Mother

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There’s this old piece of advice in the film, television, and theatrical world: never work with children or animals. Despite this, some shows just can’t help but write pets into the cast. Now, we’re not talking about animals that happen to be a lead character (i.e. Scooby Doo, Wishbone) but full on pets that support their human companions, stand by their side in times of need, and provide much needed cute relief. Continue reading →

The Real Housewives: Making You Feel Better About Yourself Since 2007

Posted on February 7, 2012 by Kate W.

real housewives orange county gretchen alexis vicki tamra

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There are several branches of the Real Housewives franchise, ranging from the sublime (Beverly Hills) to the ridiculous (D.C.) to the stultifying (Miami). But tonight we welcome back the one that started it all. That’s right. The OGs of the OC are back in business at 9pm tonight!

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When Bad Characters Ruin Good TV Shows

Posted on February 7, 2012 by Kris M.

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Nobody’s perfect. Even if your TV show is cooler than a hotel made out of ice, you’re still bound to have that one little flaw that otherwise spoils a perfect series. Scooby-Doo had Scrappy-Doo, Saved by the Bell had Screech and Lost had Ana-Lucia. It’s too late for these shows to polish off their blemishes, but there are still characters on TV right now that are ruining perfectly good shows.

Gabe Lewis – The Office

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I like to rag on how much The Office has slipped in quality over the years, but you know —Gabe is a big part of that. Gabe was introduced as Jo’s brown-nosing assistant but after Kathy Bates left the show for her failing drama Harry’s Law, Gabe is just a leftover creepy little worm. The only thing that could redeem him is if they revealed that he was the Scranton Strangler all along—but even that would be a shark-jumping moment for the show.

Vince Masuka – Dexter

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I get why Masuka is a part of the show—you need the other lab tech guy to be a complete idiot in order for Dexter to get away with killing people. The problem with Masuka is that he’s just so gosh-darn unlikeable. In a real police department he’d be out on the streets after countless sexual harassment charges. The worst thing about Masuka is that he’s always a one-note sex freak, like a 13-year-old boy. Every time you think he’s matured, he goes out of his way to prove you wrong.

Tara Thornton – True Blood

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The end of Season 4 saw Tara and her partner driving off into the sunset, possibly leaving Bon Temps behind forever. We can only hope. The problem with Tara is that the writers never know what to do with her and every attempt to reexamine the character just makes you hate her even more. This last season was the straw that broke the camel’s back as Tara was partially responsible for the whole witches-VS-vampires fiasco going out of control.

Joffrey Baratheon – Game of Thrones

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I know you’re supposed to hate Joffrey, but I just can’t stand the sight of this little twerp anymore. Whether he’s picking on little girls or running home to mommy, this sniveling coward of a king is always annoying. However, Joffrey crossed the line when he had Ned Stark beheaded instead of sparing him. I can only hope he gets his comeuppance soon.

Ben Chang – Community

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It might seem sacrilegious to put Chang on this list, but really there hasn’t been anything for the character to do since Season 1. Ken Jeong is a hilarious guy and he made Chang the perfect crazy college professor in the first season—but after losing his job, Chang’s just been hanging around because he’s got nothing better to do. His weird Gollum act is no longer funny, just creepy. If Community needs to trim the budget in order to stay on the air—Chang should be the first to go.