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This year’s Superbowl was all about the thigh workout. Certainly there was football, there were lots and lots of multimillion dollar commercials (GoDaddy.com still claims the title of Creepiest Marketing Campaign of All Time), but the real highlight for many people was seeing 53-year-old Madonna perform roughly 250 squat thrusts during her 13 minute set at halftime. Continue reading
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In continuing their recent tradition of hiring acts with whom I have only a fleeting familiarity and vague interest to perform at one of the most-watched televised events of the year, the producers of the Superbowl have (as I’m sure you know by this point) hired Madonna to do the honors at the halftime show. Pretty certain by now they’re just going through the list of whomever has had a Glee tribute episode. Continue reading
Welcome to 2012 with the return of many of your favorite shows coming back for another season. Amongst many of our returning favorites are several competition shows, several of which revolve entirely around singing abilities. Watching talent competitions has long been a favorite amongst television viewers, but for some reason, we particularly enjoy watching others sing, or attempt to sing, and marvel when an unlikely contestant approaches the mic and stuns us with their vocal ability.
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This year, starting in January, we see the return of “The Voice” on NBC, where judges such as Christina Aguilera and Maroon 5′s Adam Levine encourage singers on their “team” to out-sing the others. Some viewers have enjoyed taking jabs at Christina Aguilera’s weight struggles including observations from fellow celebrities such as Kelly Osbourne. Maybe in 2012 we’ll see Aguilera join the celebrity weight-loss band wagon and choose from a variety of celebrity diet trends. Aguilera’s choices in outfits were often discussed more than the singing last season as she seemed to go through a phase of neglecting pants in lieu of leggings and stockings of every kind. Aguilera and Levine also had a fair share of feisty arguments and it seemed sometimes as if they were minutes away from name-calling. No matter how good the singers on the show were, viewers realized in the back of their mind that Christina could always blow them away with her unbeatable vocals.
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What would the year be without another season of “American Idol”? I don’t know where most of the past winners have ended up after the season has ended and their debut album hit stores. It almost seems as though the objective of the show is less about finding another hit recording artist and more about gaining viewers to watch embarrassing auditions and hear new renditions of our favorite old songs. Steven Tyler as a judge still makes me uncomfortable. I feel as though he’s leering at female contestants through squinty eyes like he’s picturing them on a set of a music video of his own in days gone by. He’s looking more and more like an elderly old lady, the kind who sells home-made dream catchers in her backyard. I don’t know that I’d necessarily feel all that flattered to have Steven Tyler make up some fantastical description on how my singing made him feel tingly and he saw the stars in the heavens when I sang the chorus. More likely just awkward.
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“The Sing Off” on NBC is slightly different from other singing competitions as it features A-Capella groups who are hoping to make a name for themselves versus one singer who seeks fame. The hosts aren’t as memorable but many of the past groups have really wowed us as several all-male or all-female groups have taken hip hop classics and turned them around to soothing and thoughtful ballads.
Other talent competitions such as “X Factor” and “America’s Got Talent” also feature countless singers including children, opera hopefuls, and show tune enthusiasts, so there is certainly no shortage of options this year to see who has staying power.
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TV seems to be a breeding ground for jerks, and for good reason. Jerks make for excellent television. They are natural lightning rods for drama, and resolve issues in the most inappropriate fashion imaginable. Today, we’re starting a TV jerk competition to determine TV’s biggest jerk. We still have no idea what we’re calling the competition. It’s hard to call it something like “Jerkathon” without it sounding obscene.
Not everybody can be a head chef. It’s a fast-paced high stress environment where the quality of your work is immediately judged. It’s definitely the type of job that’s best suited for Type A personalities. Naturally, we can expect a lot of cooks to be rather intense.
Gordon Ramsay takes that stereotype and runs with it. Not only is he probably the most intense, direct, and abrasive individuals in the world of cooking, but he gives the jerks of most other networks a run for their money.
His jerkiness has a bit of a weakness, though. He really doesn’t seem that bad as long as you avoid making mistakes in the kitchen. If you make the grievous error of serving up a rare steak when it should have been medium rare, then may God have mercy on you, because Gordon Ramsay sure won’t.
Redeeming Factor: Delicious fish n’ chips.
Profanity: 10/10
Rudeness: 8/10
Backstabbingness: 0/10
Overall Jerkometer: B
It’s not easy being a genius. Everybody is dumb and proves it to you on a daily basis by doing stupid things, like eating earth worms. Did you know that earth worms carry 800 different kinds of deadly viruses and can spread over 70,000 different species of parasites? Dr. House knew that, and he expects 4-year-olds everywhere to know that, too.
Ultimately selfish and unsympathetic, House will do whatever he can to prove himself right, even he makes other people miserable in the process. The closer you get to him, the more he burns you.
Redeeming Factor: He can fix your back pain, but only after mocking you for 8 hours.
Profanity: 2/10
Rudeness: 9/10
Backstabbingness: 9/10
Overall Jerkometer: A
Sheldon isn’t really big on being a jerk for the sake of being a jerk. He’s sort of a jerk as a byproduct of his philosophy. The path of logic does not allow for trifling things like emotion and feelings, so a true smartass like Sheldon can occasionally trample over a person’s good will without even meaning to do it. He’s more quirky than jerky, but his weirdness makes it difficult to connect with him.
As long as you approach things logically and don’t put yourself out on a limb emotionally, you won’t be scarred too terribly.
Redeeming Factor: He can tell you the approximate astronomical between the Earth and the moon.
Profanity: 1/10
Rudeness: 7/10
Backstabbingness: 4/10
Overall Jerkometer: C+
Other TV jerks have to tip their hats to Simon Cowell, who was in many ways the front runner for modern television jerkiness. Simon’s brand of cruelty can be summed up in one simple phrase: The truth hurts. He’s not so interested in making you twist in emotional agony; he just wants to make sure that you understand how terribly bad of a singer you are.
Redeeming Factor: He will honestly tell you if those pants make you look fat.
Profanity: 2/10
Rudeness: 10/10
Backstabbingness: 0/10
Overall Jerkometer: A-
