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Finally putting its foot down and declaring that yes, occasionally there can be situations in which there is simply too much booty for television, BET has decided to ban Nicki Minaj’s provocative “Stupid Hoe” video from its programming. My issues with turning invective into the same spelling as a garden implement notwithstanding, I decided to investigate further. Continue reading
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TV seems to be a breeding ground for jerks, and for good reason. Jerks make for excellent television. They are natural lightning rods for drama, and resolve issues in the most inappropriate fashion imaginable. Today, we’re starting a TV jerk competition to determine TV’s biggest jerk. We still have no idea what we’re calling the competition. It’s hard to call it something like “Jerkathon” without it sounding obscene.
Not everybody can be a head chef. It’s a fast-paced high stress environment where the quality of your work is immediately judged. It’s definitely the type of job that’s best suited for Type A personalities. Naturally, we can expect a lot of cooks to be rather intense.
Gordon Ramsay takes that stereotype and runs with it. Not only is he probably the most intense, direct, and abrasive individuals in the world of cooking, but he gives the jerks of most other networks a run for their money.
His jerkiness has a bit of a weakness, though. He really doesn’t seem that bad as long as you avoid making mistakes in the kitchen. If you make the grievous error of serving up a rare steak when it should have been medium rare, then may God have mercy on you, because Gordon Ramsay sure won’t.
Redeeming Factor: Delicious fish n’ chips.
Profanity: 10/10
Rudeness: 8/10
Backstabbingness: 0/10
Overall Jerkometer: B
It’s not easy being a genius. Everybody is dumb and proves it to you on a daily basis by doing stupid things, like eating earth worms. Did you know that earth worms carry 800 different kinds of deadly viruses and can spread over 70,000 different species of parasites? Dr. House knew that, and he expects 4-year-olds everywhere to know that, too.
Ultimately selfish and unsympathetic, House will do whatever he can to prove himself right, even he makes other people miserable in the process. The closer you get to him, the more he burns you.
Redeeming Factor: He can fix your back pain, but only after mocking you for 8 hours.
Profanity: 2/10
Rudeness: 9/10
Backstabbingness: 9/10
Overall Jerkometer: A
Sheldon isn’t really big on being a jerk for the sake of being a jerk. He’s sort of a jerk as a byproduct of his philosophy. The path of logic does not allow for trifling things like emotion and feelings, so a true smartass like Sheldon can occasionally trample over a person’s good will without even meaning to do it. He’s more quirky than jerky, but his weirdness makes it difficult to connect with him.
As long as you approach things logically and don’t put yourself out on a limb emotionally, you won’t be scarred too terribly.
Redeeming Factor: He can tell you the approximate astronomical between the Earth and the moon.
Profanity: 1/10
Rudeness: 7/10
Backstabbingness: 4/10
Overall Jerkometer: C+
Other TV jerks have to tip their hats to Simon Cowell, who was in many ways the front runner for modern television jerkiness. Simon’s brand of cruelty can be summed up in one simple phrase: The truth hurts. He’s not so interested in making you twist in emotional agony; he just wants to make sure that you understand how terribly bad of a singer you are.
Redeeming Factor: He will honestly tell you if those pants make you look fat.
Profanity: 2/10
Rudeness: 10/10
Backstabbingness: 0/10
Overall Jerkometer: A-
