A Few of Television’s Best Robots

Posted on February 3, 2012 by Anni M.

Image source: Gawker.com

As a sci-fi fanatic, nothing gets me more psyched than a good robot. People have an endless fascination with the human-like machine. It’s so awesome watching them scoot around on their little treads! Of course, not all T.V. robots are cute and cuddly—some are so human they make us question our own humanity, while others strike terror in the hearts of Time Lords. Here are some of my favorite television robots for your reading pleasure.

Rosey the Robot Maid

Image source: Robotanime.com

Apparently, in the future, we can dispense with that pesky paying-a-fair-wage-for-an-honest-day’s-work thing. No smoke breaks. No lunch. Just a sweet robot named Rosey to take your coat, discipline your children, and give you advice about being a good Spacely Sprockets employee.

Vicki the Small Wonder

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V.I.C.I., or Voice Input Child Identicant, is the robot daughter of Ted Lawson, a robotics engineer who’s attempt at building a domestic servant backfired when his creation turned out to be a super-intelligent, self-improving “real” girl. Along with his family, Ted creepily decides to pretend Vicki is their actual human daughter. Never mind that Vicki was the object of many a real young boy’s affections (or because of it) the writers decided the family would keep Vicki in their 12-year-old son’s bedroom cabinet. Somehow this didn’t bother the censors.

Star Trek’s Lieutenant Commander Data: Technically an Android

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I won’t lie: Data is my favorite mechanical creature on television, hands down. Created by Dr. Noonien Soong on the planet Omichron Theta, Data is a sentient android serving as Chief Operations Officer on the Starship Enterprise. Data is thoroughly loveable as he strives for his own humanity—struggling nobly to understand humor and human emotion, learning to whistle, satisfying a woman, and, in the season 2 episode “Measure of a Man,” proving his autonomy and civil rights under Starfleet law. Emotion chip or no emotion chip, the Data-Geordi bromance never stops.

Gypsy, Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot

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Joel Hodgson’s wacky robot friends man-up to do battle with the worst movies ever made in the beloved Mystery Science Theater 3000. No peanut gallery is complete without their shadowy little heads. Gypsy is just in here because I felt bad leaving her out. Cambot, well, we hardly knew ye.

Dr. Who’s Cybermen

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Technically cyborgs, this race of mechanical men use spinning metal torture chairs to transform human beings (and other humanoid aliens, of which there are inexplicably many in the Dr. Who canon) into more of themselves. It’s kind of like the Borg if the Borg were completely incased in metal and had funny little rectangle mouths.

The Cylons

Image source: Criticalgamers.com

Battlestar Gallactica (the college years) hit a home run with their totally human-like Cylons (Cybernetic Lifeform Node). Unlike other robotic incarnations on television, the Cylons have emotions, they bleed, they plot… they do all the messed up bologna humans do. You know you’ve come a long way when you don’t even need albino makeup for your robot actors. Also, Battlestar Gallactica seems to understand something fundamental about my people: N.L.L.L. (nerds love Lucy Lawless).

If It Hadn’t Been Cancelled: Firefly

Posted on January 17, 2012 by Dabney B

Welcome to our newest segment, If It Hadn’t Been Cancelled, a series that explores what might have happened is a show kept on ticking.

Friday, December 13, 2002. The CEOs at FOX had just gotten off of a conference call with Satan, promising the deliver the souls of several orphans in exchange for a 5.3% increase in ratings in the 2003 year. After ordering the secretary to go find some puppies to kick, one of the FOX CEOs grabbed his diamond-encrusted “Murder Phone” called up Joss Whedon, and told him the following message:

Translated into the mortal tongue, that message means, “We’re cancelling Firefly. Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha.”

And as they hung up, Joss felt a great disturbance, as if millions of nerds suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.

Unfortunately, it was something that a lot of us could see coming. Joss Whedon’s television series, Firefly, was off to a shaky start but hat a devoted group of fans. These fans, calling themselves the “Browncoats,” started a campaign to send postcards to FOX, begging them not to cancel the show.

Predictably, FOX killed the show to cut losses and save money, but that turned out to be a mistake. Since the DVD release, Firefly has gained a massive following based on a mere 14 episodes, as that was all it took to capture the hearts of millions of fans. Firefly may have been a late bloomer, but it has proven to be a true heavy-hitter, prompting Stargate co-creator to call it “possibly one of the best canceled series in history.”

Here are 5 episodes we would have loved to see if Firefly hadn’t been crushed.

5. High Noon

One of the crew members of Serenity picks a fight with the wrong person and ends up getting pulled into a duel with a local sharpshooter. This classic Wild West duel is just too classic to pass up.

Image: Tyler's Happy Place Blogspot

The Twist: While we might think of the Captain as being the perfect candidate to shoot down the local thug, think again. Mal already fought a duel in “Shindig,” so expect the duelist to be Zoey, Wash, or maybe even Simon.

The Climax: Jayne, high atop a building in a sniper’s roost, shoots the gun out of the bad guy’s hand, making it look like Simon is the deadliest gun this side of the border planets. Kaylee swoons.

4. Impounded

The Alliance finally makes good on their threats and impounds Serenity. The crew’s only chance to buy back their ship in the upcoming auction is to pull a daring suicide mission for a hefty sum. The problem? They’ve got to do it with a rental ship of dubious quality.

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The Twist: Serenity was impounded because somebody sold them out, and the crew is bound to encounter this low-life in their suicide mission.

The Climax: “Now get off my ship,” Mal spits at Alliance scum as he wins back his pride and joy.

3. Road Trip

The gang takes a detour to visit Wash’s home. An episode like this was bound to happen sooner or later, as Wash was one of the most underdeveloped characters. Unsurprisingly, the Washburnes are in some trouble and need help.

Image: Guy in the Black Hat

The Twist: The Washburnes are even weirder than Wash.

The Climax: Wash saves Zoey, or vice-versa. Copious love-making ensues.

2. Siblings

The crew hears tale of another person who was smuggled out of Alliance custody, just like River. Simon convinces the group to visit the fellow fugitive to learn more information about River’s condition.

Image: Firefly Wikia

The Twist: Unbeknownst to our heroes, the Alliance is hot on the trail of the other fugitive, or is using the fugitive as a trap to lure out River.

The Climax: River and the other fugitive simultaneously break out in a brutal display of ass-whoopery, saving everyone’s hides.

1. I’ll Take the High Road

An excellent season finale, the group must split up to evade some terrible danger, half of the crew in Serenity and half of the crew in Inara’s shuttle. Both groups manage to make it out alive, but a problem with communication scrambles the message containing their rendezvous point. The crew is split in halves, without any way of knowing where in the ‘Verse their friends are.

Image: Erth Station One

The Twist: Mal, ever practical, is ready to cut his losses and start hiring new crew. Kaylee breaks down, wondering how he could ever abandon Wash and Zoey, leaving them stranded and alone. Mal gives her one of his captain speeches, informing her that they’re going to have to hire some unsavory folk if they are going to get the manpower they need to track down the rest of the crew.

The Climax: Shocking no one, some of the new crew betrays Mal, but other members of the new crew band together with Mal, helping him defeat the baddies and reclaiming Serenity. The ship gains 1 or 2 more permanent residents.

Viewer Profile: The Sherlock and the Moriarty

Posted on December 22, 2011 by Dabney B

So, who’s up for watching a crime mystery show? There’s Bones, Criminal Minds, NCIS, COPS, CSI (of the Vegas, New York, and Miami varieties), and if you don’t like any of those options, the list goes on and on. We could always go a bit old school and dig up episodes of X-Files, Hawaii Five-O or Murder, She Wrote.

Image: Ariesrules

Frankly, there can never be enough murder mystery shows. As long as there are sick, demented bad guys out there making the world a darker place, there will be a group of justice-seeking heroes hunting them down – and a team of cameramen right behind them.

There’s just something about the murder mystery genre that has captured the attention of audiences the world over. The very fact that it’s an entire genre (up there with comedy and supernatural teen romance) holds testament to the fact that the murder mystery show has its own devoted group of followers who are ready to chomp on some pop corn and chase serial killers. While viewers are drawn to this genre for their love of the hunt and the twisted mind games between the criminals and the people who chase them, every viewer has his own M.O. (that’s Modus operandi, for all of you FBI cadets who have yet to catch your first serial killer.)

The first type is the Moriarty. These are the TV viewers who adore dark, gloomy programming. These are the type of people who love to see blood and guts, murder and mayhem — the more sick and twisted the better! Are you the Moriarty type? Don’t feel guilty if you are. We’ve all got a darker side, the only question is if you’re willing to indulge it.

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Do you have a thing for slasher flicks and psychological thrillers? Did you get chills when Hannibal manipulated the innocent, wide-eyed FBI agent? Did you bite your nails in anticipation when you watched the murderer of Se7en reveal his plan to the detectives? I hate to break it to you, but you just might be a Moriarty.

For you, the great thing about murder shows is that it introduces you to a new lunatic every week. This guy burns people alive because he thinks he’s cleansing them; that guy abducts children and hides them in a cabin; this woman murders her husbands in cold blood and collects a hefty insurance check. You like to explore the depravity of the human mind and learn just how demented your fellow humans can become. It’s like watching a train wreck – you just can’t tear your eyes away.

Image: TheGloss

It might be weird that we’re so drawn to the bad guy, but it’s the writers’ fault for always making the evil characters so much more interesting than the good guys! So when you find yourself secretly cheering for the murderer, hoping he gets away so that he can kill again, be comforted by the fact that there are other Moriarty viewers out there, just like you, who crave the darker side of TV murder shows.

But every bad guy needs his counterpart, right? The foil to the Moriarty, of course, is the Sherlock. Sherlocks are on the side of the cops, the FBI, and crime scene investigators. Crime shows present Sherlock viewers with intricate puzzles to be solved where lives hang in the balance. Can you figure out the riddle before the nefarious serial killer claims another innocent?

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Sometimes you can, and sometimes you can’t, but you just feel compelled to play the bad guy’s twisted mind game. You can’t help but analyze every little clue, look for patterns in the criminal’s behavior, and examine every crime scene like a true FBI agent.

You might be a Sherlock if you’ve ever calmly stated, “He’s the murderer” in the middle of a program, much to the frustration of those around you. And when your friends and family ask you how you could possibly know the answer, you smile with a sense of accomplishment and explain quite logically how this character must be the killer. And usually, you’re right.

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So, which are you: the Moriarty or the Sherlock? If you watch crime shows, then you’re bound to be one of the two. Do the horrendous and unspeakable crimes of serial killers get your heart pumping? Or do the odd clues left at the crime scene leave you scratching your chin in thought?