This year’s Superbowl was all about the thigh workout. Certainly there was football, there were lots and lots of multimillion dollar commercials (GoDaddy.com still claims the title of Creepiest Marketing Campaign of All Time), but the real highlight for many people was seeing 53-year-old Madonna perform roughly 250 squat thrusts during her 13 minute set at halftime. We can all learn something from her attitude, I think. Are you singing “Vogue”? Do a squat! Are you walking somewhere? Don’t just stop, do some squats! Dancing beside a high-wire performer? Don’t stand there and watch him, do some squats while you lip sync! For those of you who missed the live show the video is at the bottom of this post, feel free to follow along.
In an entrance that read part-Cleopatra and part-matinee show at Disney’s Pleasure Island, a resplendent Madonna was majestically pulled onto the stage by countless (lunging) beefy Roman soldiers while perched atop a mighty winged golden throne. She haughtily gazed down at the mortals cheering at her from the stands–she did not need their accolades. Then she dismounted from her chariot and proceeded to do an Extreme Lower Body Workout for the benefit of the millions who had tuned in.
But, careful to avoid the possibility of finishing the night completely without controversy, the producers decided to hire MIA to come and sing along. Which, naturally, resulted in a song that was less on the singing, more on the making an inappropriate hand gesture and swearing at the audience.The Los Angeles Times cites a source close to MIA as saying that the hand gesture was the result of an adrenalin rush, which is exactly how I cope with excitement–just bypass every other outlet and go straight to flipping the bird. She and Nicki Minaj were decked out as Ancient Egyptian cheerleaders, which pretty much sums up the spirit of the evening in itself.
To top it all off, Madonna dialed up the modesty by adding Cee Lo Green, a gospel choir and black sequined robes. “I like how she’s got a church choir but her robe can still show flashes of her inner thigh,” my mother observed. They started to sing “Like a Prayer” and everything was getting super emotional because football is one of the most spiritually moving sports out there. Also because I was starting to really marvel at the sheer excess of the production, thinking about how many millions of dollars it had taken to put on the performance, and how many small African children could eat a good meal with the funds that had gone into making Madonna’s golden floating winged throne boat. What is the point of it all? I found myself wondering. Where the heck are they going to store Madonna’s golden floating winged throne boat? Not like it’ll be easy to park. What, oh, what, can this whole thing mean? And then the trillion dollar LCD laser stage told me the answer:
Oh! World peace. Right. Somehow I missed that. Thank heaven for you, trillion dollar laser LCD stage.
What are your thoughts on this year’s Superbowl halftime? Let me know in the comments below!